Sankalpa
Just about 5 years ago in a New Years flow at our studio, I set a Sankalpa.
Lying on my back preparing for class that day, I snuck a peek at the intention words on our ceiling lights. At the time, I was tired, my body and mind were stressed. I found myself in a job that was tearing at my heart strings, relationships that were disingenuous, and a life that seemed to be moving on its own without me in it.
As we often do in those moments, I was desperately searching for something outside of myself- God, The Universe, My husband, my boss..someone to swoop in and save the day, save me, make my life easier, when I spotted the word Bliss. Bliss, in my mind, was not happiness, and not pure enjoyment or satisfaction all of the time.
For me Bliss matched the quote I had on my refrigerator- "Peace, It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."
I saw this peace, contentment, lightness of being as capital B, Bliss.
And as Amy V urged us that day to set an "intention," I decided to try on Bliss. Starting on my mat; I moved and breathed in a way that may possibly bring some Bliss in my body. (This may have involved both child's pose AND headstand :) When I stepped off my mat that day, I decided to set a Sankalpa, a "sort of" intention but more like a vow or commitment to finding the strength to go inward, to see what is not always apparent is there. A determination to experience a higher truth or purpose for being in this life, above all my self-perceived other labels or "purposes" : as a mom and a wife, teacher, a sister, a friend. An intention to believe I am, I have enough of ________ in hopes to cultivate more of that want.
I decided that day to honor above all else- Bliss.
Living with Bliss didn't involve finding something outside myself that didn't already exist. Although I may have been currently detached from my Bliss, I believed it existed somewhere within me. And I decided that no matter what the external situations were operating on and around me, I’d be able to feel Bliss.
Looking back now, I see that intention Bliss involved bravery for a few big life changes and determination for a few small ones. I had to say no sometimes without guilt to make time for my own self care, (after first learning to know and recognize my own needs). Finding Bliss included some shifts in my daily schedule, an evaluation of finances, and a little grace and supportive friends and family that believe in me. It required lots of check ins, resets, re-commitments, on and off my yoga mat, as my Bliss was tested with my mom's ALS diagnosis and subsequent passing, the loss of our pair of our furry family members, and life challenges for my teenagers- places in life when it's not easy to find Bliss.
However, on any given day I also know that if I begin my day taking a moment to remember my true purpose: to live in bliss, to share bliss, to be bliss and enjoy bliss as much as I am able as a human being, my life seems to go much more smoothly and I am able to sometimes see that silver lining everyone speaks of on the cloudy days. This all doesn't mean I don't suffer or have trauma- none of us are immune to trauma, and the life challenges don’t stop just because I've decided to focus on Bliss.